Money, money, money – tips that can save your marriage

If you and your spouse fight about money, you are not alone. There may be some ways to deal with the issues, so you don’t end up in my office for a consultation for divorce. Although somewhere there must be a couple whose attitudes towards money are in synch, (wouldn’t it be nice to agree about when to save and when to spend?) it is the rare.

A financially compatible couple moves smoothly and together to accomplish their financial objectives. For almost everybody else, the reality is quite different. Whether you battle openly about money, or let the tension simmer, fiscal stress is going to take its toll. Getting on the same page about money is not easy, so a gradual, common sense approach may bring you closer together in this crucial time for your relationship.

Step one – carve out time each month for a financial summit meeting. They typical talk might be 30 minutes long. The rules: talk without casting blaming or straying to other subjects. Each time you reach an agreement, write it down, sign it and date it. Use this time to talk about your money history. Chances are any hang ups or issues you have about money were handed down from prior generations and your parents to you. It is not easy to shake off ingrained attitudes, but with knowledge comes understanding. If you find out that your spouse worked through high school, instead of playing sports, to save for college, it may make you more understanding and sympathetic to his insistence that you save for college for your kids.

Step two – create a budget. I recommend beginning the budget process after you have a greater understanding and some common ground as a result of Step One. Starting a budget without your Economic Summit will likely be a bitter process of blame and accusation. Instead, now armed with common goals – both short term and long – you can look to the budget as a way to make your future financial goals a reality. Remember to keep the budget in perspective – it can not be a rigid and inflexible plan. You should provide for a slush fund for those expenditures that are not as purposeful as others…..the “fun money” or “rainy day money.”

Step three – Develop an investment plan. This plan must be a combination of different investment philosophies. Historically men are more aggressive and women more conservative in their approach to investing. Bear in mind, investing properly should be a blend of both. What better place to have the strengths of our personalities highlighted? Use the different attitudes about money that you posses to your advantage in crafting a balanced approach. Put the policy in writing, sign it and date it. Commit yourselves to regular reviews on a monthly basis to see what is working and what may need to be changed.

In the end, your monthly money meetings should help you identify what is most important to you, individually and as a couple. Hopefully you will connect emotionally and come away with a fresh resolve to improve your communication about money and move forward toward shared goals. It may not be perfect harmony, but it is better than the alternative.

Continue to let the money issues fester, allow the communication to fall apart, and you won’t be meeting monthly with each other, you’ll be meeting with me instead about how to divide the money between you in a divorce action. It just does not sound as pleasant to me. Good Luck.


by: Julie A. Dialessi-Lafley, Esq.