Many children no longer live in the same community as their parents. And with career changes moving people across the country more often than in the past, it is important to understand the relationship between a caregiver child and a long-distance parent. When the parent was raising the child, the child was under the control and within shouting distance of the parent. Now, the child may be reversing the role and assuming control of the parent, or at least having to coordinate any necessary care from doctors, living arrangements, social services, etc.
Sometimes your parent may become less functioning on either a physical or mental level, and someone else needs to attend to his or her needs. Normally, you or a sibling will step up and assume the role of caregiver, but if distance prevents that, you may have to turn to other services available for appropriate care for your parent. It is often challenging to attend to your parent’s needs on a daily basis, and that may cause feelings of guilt, anxiety, sadness or even depression. Caregiving sometimes also causes stress among siblings, who may not agree about caregiving arrangements for their parent.
Following are some of the things that you may do when faced with a long distance care giving situation:
- Call your parent often to see if he or she recalls prior conversations, and have others, such as friends or grandchildren, call to determine whether they hear the same story.
- Have neighbors, clergy or other friends of your parent check in regularly to provide an assessment as to the mental or physical capacity of your parent, and what services may be needed.
- Engage a geriatric care manager, social service agency or a local senior service care provider to visit your parent and determine whether services are needed, or if things such as daycare or Meals on Wheels are available and would be beneficial.
- Make sure that a valid Health Proxy is completed that waves rights of privacy. Speak with your parent's physician directly to determine whether or not your parent is able to live independently and safely at home. If not, then move your parent to an assisted living facility or bring in home care.
If you unable to attend to your parent’s needs, it is important to delegate that authority rather than attempt to take on the responsibility alone and not do it well. Each situation is unique, and no two elders need exactly the same care. It is always best to obtain assistance from a professional such as a geriatric care manager or social worker skilled in geriatric services to be sure that your parent is properly cared for at all times, even you believe that you have the situation under control.
By: Hyman G. Darling, Esquire
Comments