We regularly receive notes from our clients thanking us for preparing their legal documents, but the following letter is unique. It tells a heartfelt story of how one woman's estate planning spared her family from wondering what she would have wanted and assured that the woman's life ended on her own terms. It exemplifies the importance of a Health Care Proxy:
In
2004, my mother was eighty one years old. She was a widow with nine children.
Though her health and spirits were very good, after her 80'h
birthday, she felt the need to review her assets and affairs, with an eye
toward the future. She felt this was a necessary task, but approached it
reluctantly, because she was somewhat superstitious about planning in relation
to death, and also, because, she did not feel old.
In
the fall of 2004, she visited with Mr. Hyman Darling, at Bacon Wilson, to
discuss her estate plan. Having an advocate who was focused solely on her
concerns, was in itself, very valuable to my mother because it allowed her an
opportunity to make independent decisions about the assets. This was not always
easy for Mom, because she was very sensitive to the disapproval of any of her
children, and as you might expect, each of us had an opinion about what she
should do with her financial assets.
In
the course of helping my mother with her plan, you prepared a Health Care
Proxy, which she signed, authorizing my sister, a nurse, to make decisions
regarding her health care if Mom did not have the capacity to do so. This Proxy
turned out to be very important.
On
the morning of Tuesday, July 28, 2008, my mother suffered a stroke in her home,
as she was getting ready to prepare breakfast. Fortunately, my brother was at
home with her. He called the ambulance, and she was rushed to Bay State Medical
Center. He called me from the ambulance, and told me that my mother was barely
conscious. She could not speak, but seemed to know he was there, and when he
held her hand, she squeezed it.
Because
she arrived at the hospital so quickly after having the stroke, and because of
the type of stroke, she was a candidate for tPA, the clot dissolving medicine.
When the tPA was administered, she seemed to be able to recognize my brother,
but sadly, the tPA was not successful for her. We learned the next day that she
had suffered what the neurologist described as "a non-survivable
stroke."
The
stroke was large, and effectively destroyed about two thirds of one side of
Mom's brain. She could not move her right side, could not speak and could not
swallow. We were not sure whether she could see; on the day after the stroke
her eyes were open, but they were very clouded. She seemed to respond to some
voices, but not to every sound. Mom was dying, but because she had a strong
heart and was generally in good health, she would not die immediately.
We
children were not prepared to hear that our mother was dying. The very
emotional discussion ranged from whether brain surgery was an option, through
whether we should move Mom to Boston and, because we did not have a timetable
for this process, to whether we should insert a feeding tube. Fortunately, we
had the Health Proxy to guide us.
The
Proxy provided direction from our Mother about what to do for her in her final
days. She did not want any extraordinary steps taken to artificially prolong
the dying process. The Proxy described those steps as well, and answered our
question about agreeing to a "Do Not Resuscitate" order and
instructing the doctors not to insert a feeding tube.
As
I relate these events now, some months after my mother's death, it sounds like
we had some rational discussion and made some logical decisions. Those days
however, were not days of rational thought. There was certainly denial of the
terminal nature of Mom's condition, crazy optimism that a sigh or a movement
meant she was coming back to us and disbelief that the doctors were correct.
The Proxy gave my sister guidance, and the authority (she's not the oldest of
the siblings) to make the decisions that needed to be made.
It
was very difficult to make those decisions, because, it was our mother in the
hospital bed, and we were not ready for her to die. However, if we had not had
the proxy, the last week of her life - she lived for five days after the day of
the stroke -- would have been much more difficult. Having the Proxy to guide us
allowed us to expend our energy during those last days in serving our mother by
being with her, singing to her and praying with her, rather than in debate
among ourselves about what we thought Mom would want. I would like to think we
would have made decisions about her care that she would have wanted, but that's
just it-we would have been guessing. And today, as I write this, instead of
being at peace with the fact that we did what my mother wanted, I would have
doubt and probably still second guessing decisions made.
The
Health Proxy gave my mother what she wanted - a say in how she wanted to be
cared for in those final days, when she could not speak for herself. It also
provided us with directions to follow at a time when our judgments were
affected by fear and sadness, and a reassurance that we were doing the right
thing for our mother.
Finally,
I want to thank you and your staff for providing a copy of the proxy to the
hospital when I called. Everyone I spoke with at Bacon Wilson was courteous,
and inspired confidence.
Not having a Will: Personal wishes, whether written or oral, will most likely not be followed in the absence of a will. Without a plan, your assets will pass to your heirs according to your state’s laws of intestacy.
