Often people look at the cup as half-empty when it should be perceived at as half-full. This is certainly the case when caring for a parent, which is often considered a job or a task.
What if your family turned this situation around and looked at it as a rewarding experience that provides you the opportunity to give back to your parent all of the care and nurturing he or she provided while instilling your values and bringing you up? How about looking at this as an opportunity to offer care, love and affection, and to grow in positive ways that otherwise would not be available? While the situation may be a difficult one, what if you regarded it as a challenge that will have positive rewards?
If you see a situation arising in which you parent will need your care, you should begin planning as soon as possible to assess the needs of all parties. This includes communication with your siblings so you are all on the same page. For example, a sibling may mistakenly perceive you to be taking “advantage” of your parent, because you receive financial compensation. This is a very real possibility if you need to provide care for your parent 24/7 in your home or theirs.
Often caregiver children have to take a leave of absence under the Medical Leave Act or perhaps even quit a job in order to stay home and care for their aging or ailing parent. Vacations may have to be postponed, and respite care may have to be provided for your parent if you need to attend an important family function, such as a graduation or wedding.
In order to properly plan, you’ll probably need the input of a geriatric care manager, who will your professional support, giving you assistance and suggesting and coordinating other services as necessary. The focus will have to be on your parent’s needs to assure that no third party will enter the picture and criticize the services provided, such as hygiene, dietary needs, medical needs, etc.
Support for you as caregiver is also important so that you won’t become “burnt out” when your parent’s medical needs progress and increase, and additional services are required. As caregiver, you may need counseling, especially if your parent has dementia or another memory-related disease. There are good support groups that can help you deal with the ongoing issues and preserve your own mental health.
Even the best laid plans sometimes are not as successful as anticipated, and therefore, there should be a backup plan if the initial plan doesn’t work. Examples can be day care, permanent institutionalization or perhaps moving your parent to stay with another sibling. If possible, all children should share in the care process.
Needless to say, it is easy to suggest that adult children should be taking care of their parents, but it is not appropriate for all families. So planning must be attended to as soon as possible to assure the best possible chance of success.
By: Hyman G. Darling, Esquire
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